Daddy

Peace finally came early this morning.

Today I hurt for what once was. Most days I can stay happy and look at life as just a chapter in a book. But not today. My big strong daddy is slipping fast. I hate the pain he is in and I hate that I can't do anything about it.

Lately

So lately I have been trying not to think about what is really going on in my life and focusing on the here and now. Denial is what I guess you could really call it. I have been doing this for quite sometime and then there he was. Sitting on the coach with his eyes shut looking so peaceful and asleep but probably just trying to bare the pain quietly. I don't know what it is about shutting your eyes when you are in pain, some how it helps. I love knowing that he could be listening. So I walked over and sat by him and situated myself in the spot that I have been so comfortable in for all of my life. It's different now because I worry about what side I am on. If that's the side that causes him the most pain or not. He carries this trial so well. Always a smile, a joke, a look to let you know he loves you. He looked over at me slowly as soon as I sat down and he whispered "I love you". I remember calling my dad shortly after I was married to tell him I loved him and really nothing more. He responded with asking what I wanted from him and I remember saying, Oh daddy. I have been wanting lately to just sit by him in "my spot" with his arm around me. His I Love you through me for one today and spun my head around thinking about what is to come in the next short while. It's a comfort to know that he can still be with me when he has left this life. I will definitely be a spoiled brat with two Father's in Heaven watching over me. This is comforting as was his I love you today.